Wednesday, March 24, 2010

New scans+no more chemo= what if? in our rhabdomyosarcoma world

Our cancer journey if coming to a close on Friday. at least this part of it anyway.

We are going off treatment and I am terrified! Terrified? you ask. Well living on treatment is easy so to speak. You know you are working on killing the cancer. You have a mission and a goal-the end of 45 weeks of treatment. We as a family have put our life as we knew it on hold to an extent and now we have to transition back to that old normal. while still living with the effects cancer has had on us and especially Zach.

We still have many follow up appointments. More scans every 3 months for 2 years and scan for up to 10 years after that. Zach can also have side effects we have to follow up with for the rest of his life. So truly nothing will ever be "the same."

But-

We must live life! Living, Laughing, and making memories. Not for the "just in case" but for the just because. Just because my 2 boys are and my husband are wonderful and we all have a blast together! Just because they are still under 5. just because I love them. Because Jesus said do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of it's own.

so-how do we go on? Happily. Joyfully. Praising God for how far we have come and how far we have yet to go. Praising Him in the joyful times and the sad time. Praising Him always.

We can not live in a what if world. We just live.

Please pray for us on these last 2 days. Our pet scan is at 10am 03/25 and our results discussion is at 1:45pm 3/26. (CST)

Jennifer

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Life gave us lemons and i wanted watermelon!

like my title? Let me explain.
To me watermelon is joy, the happiness of summertime, contentment, that feeling after a long day of pure bliss and enjoyment of family. You know-like after a great 4th of July weekend or just a nice weekend at the lake? That is what we were expecting last summer to be like. Zach was 2, his cousin Trey was 2, and Aaron was 4. My sister-in-law Katie and I had all these glorious ideas of what our summer would be like. Memorial Day weekend at the parents lake house was wonderful and normal. just how summer should start. It was to be a perfect watermelon summer.

then came the lemons-June 1. I will never forget our ped's face when he walked in the room after that 1st sonogram on Zach belly. It was one of those drop you to your knee's and pray looks.

And we did, he and I prayed right then and there. Before we called anyone, before I heard what it was. He prayed with just me and Zach. (he is the best in the world as far as I am concerned and a huge blessing from God! thanks Dr. S!) He knew the battle we were facing. The giant lemon God was putting in my path. He also know we could make either lemonade or just eat the lemons and be miserable. His words then and there set the course for the next 9 months. Live-make lemonade, enjoy life just do it in a new way. embrace the old with the new.

you see cancer is like any other trial God put in your life. you have a choice. To praise Him in the storm or curse Him. We choose to Rejoice in the Lord always.

Now-did I morn the life lost? you better believe it! Remember I was planning on watermelon summers! I was devastated, hurt, mad and angry all in one swift moment. It all disappear(snap) just like that. And a new life began.

We are starting to wrap up this part of our journey now. We have our off-treatment scans soon and meeting with drs. Rhabdomyosarcoma will always be around just not as much hopefully! Then we start a new something. I have no idea what life will bring. I have an idea.....but no real clarity yet. I know will will involve our many cancer families we have met. An organization that will help mom's, dad's, kid's all come to grips with this new life. A place to talk and get help in a Christ like environment. A safe place for hurting souls.

I wonder what life will be like? I am hoping for.....
whatever God wants.

Blessings,
Jennifer