Thursday, July 30, 2009

Prayer

is what we need. Zach lost another 2lb this week. If he does not start gaining he will be hospitalized next week. We have added a powder to the mix we have now to add more calories. please pray this work.
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Praise Report

One of my deepest desires when this whole journey started was that I would find a Godly Christian family that we could talk with, pray with and even cry with for the next yr. I need someone who understand the peace we have in Christ. Someone who understand hope, faith, and peace that passing all understand. My weekly bible study ladies are great but they are not mom's of a cancer child. my family is great but it is their grandchild or nephew. I need another mom, another dad, another the same.

I found my family this month! God put them in our path about 4 weeks ago! He choose them for us last May. God provided a perfect match. He went above and beyond and gave me a mom who get everything about me! Our journeys are so close it is uncanny. We are so blessed to now have them in our lives and I can not wait to see where the Lord take us!

Once I have permission I will post their names and journey here for you to pray for them as well!

Please pray for Zach chemo today and that his stomach will settle down. We are having some puking issues.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Sunday, July 26, 2009

A new week

John and I truly are enjoying our weekends as a family. WE have spent most Saturday mornings cuddled in bed until noon-all 4 of us! the boys watch cartoons and we sleep!

I took Aaron to our local water park today for some mommy/Aaron time. we had alot of fun and got plenty of sun in just 3 short hours!

My back is somewhat better. I am managing the pain with some nice pills. I hope to be pill free asap. thanks for all the prayers!

Zach's tumor does look smaller then it did back in June. the doctor will not actually look and give us an opinion until mid-September. We had scans June 1 and we do not scan again til 15 weeks of treatment. then every 15 weeks after that. once treatment is done we have scans every 3 months for 1 year, every 6 months i think for 2 years, then every yr for 5 to 10 yrs. That mean Zach would be in his teens before we are considered "cured". that seems like forever right now.
Rhabdo's has has 50 to 70% cure rate for 1st time offenders....

It drops to 5% for repeat cases. now you can see why we treat for 42 weeks the 1st time. 5% that number terrifies me. I try not to think about it much. I dwell in the right now alot. I used to think about next fall and spring. now i dwell in today and tomorrow only. I dwell in here. and I dwell in Christ and His peace and understanding. I can not dwell anywhere else but Him.

My hope is built on nothing less then Jesus Christ and His Righteousness.

Jennifer

Friday, July 24, 2009

back pain

I still need prayer for this. I desperately need relief asap. I want to play with my kids. I need to go shopping. I have a wedding shower tomorrow. I just need to get on with life and my back is making that vary hard! Please pray for a fast healing!
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Big chemo

We have all 3 chemos tomorrow. I am leaving Wichita Falls around 4am. Please pray for traveling safeties.
Jennifer

Keep praying!

I am not sure how I am getting to Ft. Worth or if I am driving or if I can drive. My back is better but not enough that I think I can sit in a car for 2 plus hrs. PRAY!
Jennifer

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Prayer request

I hurt my back somehow yesterday. I have been in bed and really been no help to John sense it happened. He is leaving in a few hrs and now I have no idea how I will care for Aaron!

Please pray the pain lessens or goes away. I can hardly sit and walk right now. I can not pick up anything at all. I can not bend over. All these things I need to be able to do asap!
Thanks!
Jennifer

Friday, July 17, 2009

The prayer bracelets are here!

Please wear them daily to help remember to pray for Zach.
They say “Pray for Zach-Psalm 29:11
” which says: “The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.”
*The suggested donation is $1.00*
Below are the ways in which you can receive one of them:
1. Mail a self-addressed stamped envelope with the suggested donation inside too:
Mark Inman Insurance Agency, Attn: Zack Bracelet,
1401 Kemp, Wichita Falls TX, 76309
2. Stop by Mark Inman Insurance Agency at 1401 Kemp during normal business hours, Monday-Friday, 9:00am-noon;1:00-5:30pm. Beginning July 20th

*For questions e-mail zachjcartwright@gmail.com

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I miss my 2 boys.

I feel like a falure today. I had to up my dose of prozac. I feel like it means i am not trusting God enough to keep my happy. Is that wrong? Am I doubting God?

One of my devo's this week was on Job. Man I do understand him more now.

Job 1:20 Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground before God.

remember this was a real man, in the time of Genesis! he lost it all! Family, home, friends-Satan took it all. God let him knowing Job would still worship Him. He praised God in his Storm. I struggle with that right now. I struggle holding it together for 1 more day every day. I know job struggled. And God raised him up and carried him to the other side-eventually. but in the meantime-Job worshipped God.

I fall asleep crying out to God why?! Why my child? why this Storm? Why cancer? Heal Zach is my prayer. Make the yr go quicker, the day and months of radiation end soon. I pray for hope and peace. I pray for strength to make it thought the next day.

And then I worship my most high King. I lift my hands and sing the words I know and believe with all my heart-I praise you in this storm. I will rise, call on Jesus, Revelation Song.

Each reverberating in my soul and as i worship He fills my soul with what i need. Hope. Peace. Rest. I worship knowing he is worthy and I believe and know that as I focus on Him rather then my own pain, I will have a new perspective. maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

Keep praying for us. We are just human on a walk that seem longer then most.

here is Zach site again for those that need it as well: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/zachcartwright

blessings!
Jennifer

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Day 3-Radiation

Well Zach had radiation this morning and was done and in the car by 9am! man how I wish they were not so far away! oh well, no sense mourning what I can not have.

I am thankful for all who are praying for us! Please know this is a marathon we have started and we are on the 1/2 mile mark. we have a long way to go this year! We have no new scans and no way to truly know what is happening inside our small boys body until September!

We have big chemo again next week and I will have at least 2 days with John and Zach at cooks! I am super excite to see them down there! Hopefully John and Zach will come home Friday morning after radiation as well.

Keep praying for us!
Blessings,
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Our new life

I left Ft Worth on Sunday as John and Zach checked out of Cooks.

It has been hard to say the least. I do not like being a single mom. There is not enough time in the day to get it all done. I have yet to figure out how and when to do my shopping even! Part of that is my own fault. I am trying to stay busy at home so not to get sad, but left no time to get our of the house just for shopping! lol

John and Zach had to go to cooks Monday and Tuesday for more scans before they could start radiation. They are for sure starting it tomorrow though. Pray john can keep up with it all on his own and remember all the meds. I usually help with that alot and of course I can't right now.

I had a wonderful group of ladies that came to my home last night and had dinner and devotionals with me. I was a wonderful time of fellowship and prayer. It is a great way to lift my spirits. Especially sense we are missing Church most Sundays to be in Ft Worth.

Not much else to report, I am going with a fellow cancer mom to see "My Sisters Keeper" tonight. I need a good cry and I know the movie will provide that! and Yes I have read the book.

Thanks for all the support we are receiving and prayers. We feel them constantly.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A differant holiday then I expected.

My family make big plans every yr for the 4Th. If you have every been to our lake house during the 4Th of July weekend you know what I mean, but if not I will give you an idea. FIREWORKS! and lots of them. Before lake Kemp did their own show very yr like they do now there was also the Inman show! :) My dad, brother, and added later my husband and brother in law, and my uncle James always spent way to much money of things that go boom and spent hrs(like 4 sometimes) or more getting ready and shooting off lots of fireworks. My mom always made a ton of food. I made dirt with worms just for the boys(Thomas-luv ya!) and we had a merry old time. Everyone gets way to much sun and way to much lake water. It's just a great way to spend a lazy weekend at the lake.

This yr John and I are stuck in this stupid hospital room. I miss my family. I miss the fun. I am missing my "old" life alot today. I miss the little things like sleeping until noon.

I guess you could say today I am mourning the life we lost again.

enough with the pity party....."sigh" deep cleansing breath. Dry my tears.

What I love about my life now. Zachy's laugh. How funny he can be at 9pm when he should really be asleep but is wide awake and keeping me in stitches. Reconnecting with old friend and remembering why I loved them so in ages past. They keep me happy:) they help me laugh. they help lift me up in prayer. They bring my family hope.

I am learning to love my new life. I keep learning and holding on to the hope I have in Christ. I have hope we all may it through the next yr quickly and with many lessons learned and many new friends. We will have a great new life lesson and life experience that will give us many new doors.

Pray for strength as we are growing weary. Pray for John as he has a long 6 weeks ahead of him. He has had alot to learn. Pray for Zach. He needs strength and patience. His little 2yr old body is fighting many battles and his brain is still not understanding this is not a temporary hurt. He still has to learn this is the new normal. Pray for his strong sprite to be broken just enough to make treatment a little easier on mommy and daddy, but not to much as we love the fight in him.

Pray for me as I leave 2 of my boys here in ft worth and go home to a 1/2 empty house. Pray Aaron and I will learn to be OK just the 2 of us. Pray Aaron does not miss daddy and Zach to much and enjoys his momma time!

thank you!
Blessings,
Jennifer