Tuesday, November 17, 2009

more bad news

Our hearts are heavy today with the news we need to share. Zach was in the hospital this weekend due to routine fever/low counts. During his stay from Saturday to Sunday, his red blood cells dropped significantly signaling something internally was going on. The doctors ordered a sonogram and then a CT scan for Monday morning and we received the results today. Zach's tumor in his last CT scan done in September measured about the size of a flat pancake/silver dollar coin in size but today it's measuring about the size/circumference of a baseball which is significant growth. Zach is no longer responding to his current treatment plan.
We are hurting and sad to hear this news. Many tears have flowed today.

Amazingly, God already had it arranged for us to be going to NY next week to meet Zach's new doctors. We are heading to the best place to get a new treatment plan and move forward with whatever they think is best for Zach. God also worked out our flights in that we got 3 seats on the Corporate Angel Network leaving Sunday morning. The Angel Network is when corporate jets owned by large companies have extra seats they donate them to the Angel Network for children with cancer and their families to fly for free to & from treatment. Zack, Jennifer & I are taking the 3 seats and will be in NY Sunday. We are having a PET Scan and MRI on Monday & Tuesday and then we will be meeting with the new doctors on Tuesday afternoon. They will give us a new course of treatment, we really don't know what that looks like at this point. I will post on Tuesday after we have more information.

We could really use your prayer for strength and encouragement. Please post in our guestbook words of encouragement and let us know if you are praying for us. We really feel that you guys are on this journey with us; we feel your prayers and your words of encouragement give us strength.
We are not without Hope. God is our Hope and that He already knows what is ahead for us and will give us the strength we need to continue this fight.
Julie

Monday, November 16, 2009

praising Him in the storm

I love praise baby DVD. not only do they calm Zach down but they calm my spirit down as well.

We have been in the hospital again sense Saturday night, but Praise God his fever did not hit 101( the magic admit #) until after i cooked chili and corn bread for the mission! God knew what needed to be done and when! PTL! We had a great night of ministry and my Sunday school class had a great time.

We are here today for a ct and blood. when I know more about New York I will post later today as well. Keep praying.
Jennifer

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Cancer

I had another mother join my sisterhood this week. The sisterhood I hate. The sisterhood I love. The cancer mother's sisterhood.

We share a strong faith in God. We hope. We pray. We scream "Why my child God!" We cry alot.

It's a sisterhood I love to hate and I love it to pieces how closer it has drawn me to my Lord.

Please pray for all of us cancer mom's and prayer warriors. we get tired and beat down alot and have to get up and keep going for our kids.

Pray for Zach, Reese, Holly, Ben, Kate, Walker, and all the other moms and kids out there that go to bed tonight with may more prayers.

Jennifer

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Waiting on the Lord and Doctors.

If you do not know-we are waiting to find out now when we are going to New York city to Memorial Sloan Kettering. We do know we are going. It is just a matter of when now. Maybe in 2 weeks, maybe in 4 months. Truly only the Lord knows right now because even the doctors can not talk together and make the decision for us. so now for my rant.....

I hate to wait. I am a planner. I plan months in advance. I flip to the next month on my calender weeks before time so i can stay on pace. So when the Doctors in new york keep putting us off another week at a time I literally want to pull my hair out in clumps!

I HATE TO WAIT!! You would think after 2 kids I have learned some patience. nope. not me. I HATE TO WAIT! You would think I would be happy to hold off surgery as long as possible. nope. not me.
I HATE TO WAIT! I pray and pray. I look for an answer. God laughs and say-WAIT!

So I continue to pull out my hair knowing He will also help it grow back(PER MY MIL-thanks Joan!) and learn about waiting and patience. I need to remember I am on God and doctor time that moves much slower then Jennifer time.

So pray the next few day I learn to wait. Pray I don't go crazy. Pray time flies.
Please continue to pray-as we wait.
Jennifer

Thursday, October 1, 2009

If it be Your will

How do you know what will happen tomorrow? for your life is like the morning fog-It's here a little while, then it's gone. what you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." James 4:14-15(NLT)

Many people feel led to pray for a complete healing. We feel led to pray another way. But in the church many people feel led to pray for healing. When someone is sick or dying, praying for God to heal is just what we do, isn't it?

It is hard for us that some people see our reluctance to pray this way as a lack of faith. But it has nothing to do with whether or not Gad has the power to heal Zach. We firmly believe that God can do anything. For us, it is more a matter of asking ourselves if this is the way we will see God work? And more important, is it what He has planned for us and Zach? What does God have in mind for his life and are we open to God's best for him and us?

Often we see the body of Christ put so much into pursuing God for physical healing. With great boldness and passion and persistence, we cry out to God, begging for healing of the body. And in these prayers, often is a tiny P.S. added at the end where we say, "if it be your will."

But shouldn't we switch it around? Shouldn't we cry out to God with boldness and passion and persistence in a prayer that says, "God, would you please accomplish your will? Would you give me a heart to embrace your plan and your purpose? Would you mold me into an instrument that you can us to accomplish what you have in mind?" and then, perhaps, we can add a tiny P.S. that says, "and it that includes healing, we would be grateful."

Please continue to pray for peace and patience as we continue to walk this difficult journey. We are still waiting for God to reveal the next phase of treatment to us.

Blessings!
Jennifer


(changed from pg 100 of Nancy Gutheries Book of hope)

Monday, September 28, 2009

What faith can do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTr8mB--sZw

Please Watch and listen. This song spoke to the depth of my soul. If you ever wonder how we do it. how we watch our child suffer. It is only through our strength and peace we have in Christ. I have included the lyrics as well.

Kutless - What Faith Can Do From the album It Is Well
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Oh, the places we may go!

We have more information we would like to share with everyone and let you know some specific prayer request we have. We got the radiology report back on Friday; it shows that the tumor has blood in it and active cancer cells. Zach received 6 weeks of radiation this summer to kill those active cancer cells; chemo is used to shrink the tumor. Because the radiation did not kill all the active cells, we need the tumor to come out. Zach has an aggressive form of cancer so those active cells will continue to grow and multiply. As I said last week, it’s great that the cancer has not spread and the tumor did shrink some but still having active cancer cells after 6 weeks of radiation and a large tumor in the pelvis area means we are still at a very critical stage in decision making and treatment for Zach.
We also have more specific info on Zach’s tumor shrinkage. His tumor has shrunk 60% overall.He had 96% shrinkage in the abdomen area, which leaves the tumor in Zach’s pelvis area still the size of about an orange. It’s all 1 tumor, just in different areas of Zach’s body.
We are currently waiting for Cooks tumor board to review Zach’s case before Zach’s doctor at Cook’s will determine next steps. In the mean time, John and Jennifer feels it’s imperative Zach has the BEST surgeon available to take the tumor out b/c it has active cancer cells in it and is very close too Zach’s bladder.They, along with Zach’s local pediatrician, are researching surgeons in the U.S. and looking at possibly choosing a surgeon outside of TX.

This is a huge decision and we need prayer for direction. Pray that Jenn and John and their doctors will make wise decisions at this critical time in Zach’s treatment process. Please pray the process goes smoothly and quickly; also for patience in the mean time. Waiting and not knowing is very hard on everyone.
Zach has big chemo on Friday this week in Ft Worth.He has enjoyed the last 3 weeks at home and is become much more active; he even went to church on Sunday for 3 hrs! His teacher said he had a blast playing with all his friends.
Aaron is starting to enjoy the new more normal routine as a family of 4 and is learning so much in school. Please pray if Zach goes out of TX for surgery, it will work out that he can go with them and enjoy somewhere new as well.
Jennifer and John were matched at Cooks to another family with a child with Rhabdos for support after Zach diagnosis.Bryce is having surgery today and may possible loose his shoulder bone. Please pray the surgeon can save it and give his family peace on what the surgeon thinks is best.It’s very hard to know that your less the one yr old may lose movement on one arm. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bryce09
God has been teaching me so much about prayer, the vehicle God gave me to commune with him throughout the entire day and tap into the Holy Spirit’s Power to war against my fleshly desires. My flesh sometimes get’s anxious about Zach but what an amazing thing it is to tap into the Holy Spirit and receive and live in Peace, knowing that God is at work, and has everything under control.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 Julie

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lord,the one you love is sick

John 11:1-6 is the story of Lazarus and his 2 sisters, Mary and Martha. The sister went to Christ and said "Lord, the one you love is sick" and Jesus answered Lazarus sickness will not end in death. No, it is for the Glory of God.


Mary and Martha were not just reporting to Jesus he was sick, they were asking him to come, to heal him. They seem to be saying "Jesus, if you really love me, then you will prove it by showing up, relieving my pain, and preventing my loss."


Many people look squarely at their suffering and say to ourselves, If God really loved me, he would not allow this. Therefore if he does allow it, he does not love me. Our suffering becomes the soil in which our doubts about God's love grows.


But God's love is sure and certain. He is the definition of love. We tend to interpret God's love by looking at our circumstances. Things are going good-God love us. Things are going bad means God does not care. Instead, we must allow the strong and secure love of God to become the lens through which we interpret everything that happens in our lives. When we see our suffering through the lens of God's love, we see that our suffering has meaning and purpose. And while we may never label the suffering as good, we have the consoling confidence that God is going to use it for our good and for His glory!! The love of God supports us and sustains us.

Because Jesus loved Mary and Martha and Lazarus, he wanted to deepen their faith. Because Jesus loved them, he turned the most bitter experience of their lives into a blazing testimony to his love and power. And he will do the same for you-because he loves you.




loved this for today! People ask how I know that I know God is real and in control. I feel His love and joy and He gives me peace daily. Please remember to keep praying for us. Monday we have out 1st re-scans sense June. I am also giving my testimony again Saturday morning. Also pray for Caden-he is at the end of his long 2 yr battle. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/cadenledbetter


Jennifer


PS-this is again from Nancy Guthries One yr book of hope!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

100 Days of Rhabdomyosarcoma

It has been 100 days sense Zach was dx with this cancer. 100 days of test, surgery, treatments, and drugs. 100 days of hoping, praying and learning to trust and wait on the Lord. 100 days of learning and expanding our reach for Christ and other cancer children. I honestly can not wait to see what the next 100 days hold!

Zach and John are home by the way! We are a family of 4 again!
Blessings!
Jennifer

Friday, August 28, 2009

updates for this week

We all are good. Zach only has 3 more radiation treatments!!! more on what is going on with him is on his caring bridge site linked on last weeks post.

The wedding was wonderful! Chrissy was a beautiful bride. We all had fun as a family and I was super tired when i got in at midnight from helping clean up!

I am giving my Testamony on Sunday morning at FBC and could use prayer. Here it is for your reading pleasure! Plus the link to the song I am singing. Please pray God will move and touch others!
http://n.b5z.net/i/u/10001997/m/01_Even_In_the_Valley.mp3

My name is Jennifer Cartwright my husband, John, and I have two wonderful boys, Aaron( who is 4) and Zachary( who is 2). Things had been going along as planned until June 1st of this yr. On this day my life and the life of my family changed forever. Our son Zachary was dx with Rhabdomyosarcoma, which is a pediatric cancer.

That 1st night I prayed all night long. Philippians 4:6-7 and Romans 8:26-27 are vs. I now know I was clinging to that night.

Philippians say don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

We did that even in the small things those first few weeks. We prayed constantly. Prayed for peace and strength. Prayed for wisdom. And God provided. When we did not know how or what to pray I learned the spirit groans for me.

Romans 8:26-27 says the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.

The spirit groans for me! How amazing to know that even in my darkest hr when I had no idea how or what to pray the Holy Spirit was groaning for me on my behalf to God Almighty!

We are all taught God has a perfect will for us. He has carried my family through this valley and is teaching us to trust in Him and Him alone.

Luke 14:33 say we cannot be his disciples unless we give up everything we have.

God has asked me to give up control of my life; my family’s life and yes-even give up my child to him.
My will screams for my child to be able to be healed perfect.
God’s will is teaching me to let go and give Him everything.
He carries me, literally through this valley and teaches me He is good.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Please Pray

John is not feeling well at all. His sister is getting married this weekend and I know it means alot to all of us to have him sing. Please pray we have a miraculous healing overnight. Please pray John will get good rest and feel much better tomorrow.

Pray for Chrissy and Brad as they start their new journey as a married couple. Pray for Joan , grandma, and I that we make it through the next 2 day! Lots to do!

here is the link to our caring bridge site again. It list much better then I what Zach need.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/zachcartwright/journal

Pray this weekend is great!! We need some joy right now!
Jennifer

Friday, August 14, 2009

Our week

John and I actually got to see each other again during the week during big chemo. We went into down town Ft worth and had a wonderful 2 1/2 hr dinner at Simply Fondue(YUMMY!) and talked alot. It was wonderful to get to spend time just the 2 of us! We talked about the upcoming weeks and how we think it might go and how to handle the transition of everyone moving home. We also say GI Joe last Friday and that was wonderful as well.

Aaron is super ready for everyone to stop leaving and just be HOME! But little does he know he is leaving in 2 weeks to start Pre-K! my baby is growing up so fast! Pray he has a blast!

Zach's count are extremely low right now. Pray they increase so he can at least be the cutest flower boy ever with his brother! We might possibly need blood and platelets soon as well. Pray those work well too.

Pray for John and I as we all move home. We have all gotten into habits in the few months we have been apart. I love him but we all know men are just as quirky as us!

Blessing!
Jennifer

Ps-what God has been teaching me this week. Give it all up-even my child. Hard core right! :)
Luke 14:33
any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

caring bridge post

Zach had an ok week. He was fussy quite a bit but we did get to play outside some earlier this week while the weather was a bit cooler. To the left is me taking Zach for a ride to the park. We both had fun and I got a great workout!
His counts are very low though right now. Counts are how susceptible to infections and sickness he is. Ideally his counts would be 1500, this week they were 500. They almost had to cancel big chemo this week b/c of it but the doctors did decide he should get this week’s chemo but next week’s is in question. Zach will be Neutropenic for the next week which means he will be kept in isolation from other people. He will only be able to be at home b/c he is too susceptible to getting an infection and his body would not be able to fight it. Please pray that Zach’s counts will be raised by next Wednesday which is when he is scheduled to get his next round of chemo. Also, next weekend, John’s sister Chrissy is getting married here in the DFW area and Jen and John are in the wedding. Pray that they are able to attend the wedding and festivities as planned and be a blessing to Chrissy on her big day.
Zach has approx. 5-7 more days of radiation and then he and dad get to move back home! Everyone is looking forward to that day (everyone except Aunt Julie who will miss Zach dearly!). He also has 2 more rounds of small chemo and 1 round of big chemo before he reaches his 15 week re-evaluation. The re-evaluation will help the doctor’s gage how Zach is responding to treatment and look at other options as well depending on the results. We are all eagerly awaiting his first evaluation.
Keep Praying,
Julie
“.....for I am the Lord, who heals you."
Exodus 15:26

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Weekend!

John and I get to spend the weekend as a family with our boys! We love this time. We are leaving the boys with my mother tonight and going to see GI JOE! YEAH!!! love ya mom!
Tomorrow is the in-laws time and I get to go spend time at faith mission! Sunday is church and Aaron and I are going to the water park again!

here is my sisters update from our care bridges site.


Friday, August 7, 2009 12:09 PM, CDT
Since Tuesday, Zach has had a really good week. He has been feeling much better and even has had the desire to play! We have been playing with play dough, stamping, coloring, puzzles, chasing the dog around the house, playing fetch with the dog and all sorts of fun stuff! He even decided he wanted to eat some of our lasagna one night, some chocolate pudding one night, and lasagna again another night which is so good for him! We are so thankful his nutrition seems to be under control right now. Please continue the prayer his body will absorb all the nutrients he needs.
We also found out this week that after radiation is complete in another 3 weeks, Zach will be able to get “small” chemo in Wichita Falls. This is such great news because it means they will be home as a family so much more during the remaining 30 or so weeks of treatments.
Please keep praying for the strain’s on the family as they are separated for about 3 more weeks and are growing tired and weary.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28

thanks for all your support and prayers!! We have big chemo(all 3) on Wednesday and I leave Tues night for ft worth.
Blessing's!
Jennifer

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Yesterday, Today, and Tomarrow

I am tired. to tired to blog. to tired to move. To tired to work. Yet I am at work. I am going to church tonight. I am going to make it through the next yr. I am confidant my child will recover. MY God is a great big God who deserves all the glory and praise for yesterday. I listened to my old passion CD from 1997 on the way home and just Praised him for who He is and What He is doing in our family. here is what my sister wrote yesterday.


Praise Jesus! Zach gained 1 pound! Thank you to all that have been praying. Zach was not hospitalized today which is great news.
He did have chemo today, a blood transfusion, and was given platelets because his counts were very low when they checked them today. They said his fussiness was probably b/c he was starting to feel a little pain so they gave him some pain medicine to begin taking, along with some new anti nausea medicine to try. He is on a lot of medication right now which means he will probably be more tired during the day but please pray for this side-affect to be minimal.
Please pray that Zach will continue to get all the nutrition his body needs and that he will begin to feel better, even have the desire to play!
Thank you for following us on this journey,
Julie
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12

Please continue to keep us in praying. We are all tired and weary. Aaron needs me and all I want to do is sleep.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Sunday, August 2, 2009

PLEASE PRAY FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS!

my sister says it best. please pray. He threw up again after she posted this. We added another med for nausea after calling the on-call Dr. PLEASE. PRAY! Malnutrition is a main killer of kids with cancer. it causes all source of other problems. We need more peace and Zach needs his nutrition desperately.
Jennifer

Sunday, August 2, 2009 1:44 PM, CDT
Last week was a rough one for sweet Zach. He started the week with some nausea/vomiting that took a few days to get under control. On Tuesday he saw his oncology doctor who had concerns in regards to his rapid weight loss. He had lost 2.2 lbs in one week. The doctor wanted Zach to get 1 more feeding each day. He also added a high calorie supplement to his food to help him put on some weight. Adding anther feeding means Zach’s digestion system is working even harden which is leading too the nausea (this is a side affect of the radiation being targeted too his abdomen). Logistically the feedings are hard on Zach and his parent’s b/c this means he is being feed almost all day. Because of the daily radiation, he cannot have feedings after midnight, until after radiation everyday. He is feed through a feeding tube and during feedings he is confined to sitting in one space. He did not get to play very much this week b/c of the confinement. Our hope is that once the nausea is under control we might be able to speed up the feedings so he is not being feed almost the entire day. Tuesday of this week Zach will see the oncology doctor again to gage how the extra feeding & high calorie supplement are working. If he does not gain weight, he will be hospitalized so that he can have round the clock care in regards to his nutrition. We need everyone to pray that Zach’s body will respond/absorb the nutrients he is being given and he will gain weight. We want to avoid being hospitalized if at all possible b/c the strain on Zach and the family is very high.

I just heard from Jennifer that this weekend they are dealing with more nausea/vomiting which is very hard to hear. Because Zach does not have radiation on the weekends, they were able to space out his feedings and feed him during the night so they were not expecting his system to reject the feedings this weekend. Jennifer and John are also battling fears in regards to the mal-nourishment Zach is experiencing. Please remember to pray for Jenn and John as well that they would be able the rest in the Lord’s peace.

Aaron, Zach’s big brother, on the other hand had a wonderful weekend! He went to the lake house with Gigi & Papa, Uncle Anthony & Aunt Katie cousins and friends and he had a blast! Aaron even learned this weekend how to jump off the boat house! During my conversation with Jenn today, as she told me about Aaron and how much fun he had at the lake she was beaming as she told me about it. Thank you for all who prayed for Aaron and his adjustment during the season of treatment for Zach. Keep up the prayers.

I’ll post on Tuesday after Zach sees the doctor again.

Julie

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Prayer

is what we need. Zach lost another 2lb this week. If he does not start gaining he will be hospitalized next week. We have added a powder to the mix we have now to add more calories. please pray this work.
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Praise Report

One of my deepest desires when this whole journey started was that I would find a Godly Christian family that we could talk with, pray with and even cry with for the next yr. I need someone who understand the peace we have in Christ. Someone who understand hope, faith, and peace that passing all understand. My weekly bible study ladies are great but they are not mom's of a cancer child. my family is great but it is their grandchild or nephew. I need another mom, another dad, another the same.

I found my family this month! God put them in our path about 4 weeks ago! He choose them for us last May. God provided a perfect match. He went above and beyond and gave me a mom who get everything about me! Our journeys are so close it is uncanny. We are so blessed to now have them in our lives and I can not wait to see where the Lord take us!

Once I have permission I will post their names and journey here for you to pray for them as well!

Please pray for Zach chemo today and that his stomach will settle down. We are having some puking issues.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Sunday, July 26, 2009

A new week

John and I truly are enjoying our weekends as a family. WE have spent most Saturday mornings cuddled in bed until noon-all 4 of us! the boys watch cartoons and we sleep!

I took Aaron to our local water park today for some mommy/Aaron time. we had alot of fun and got plenty of sun in just 3 short hours!

My back is somewhat better. I am managing the pain with some nice pills. I hope to be pill free asap. thanks for all the prayers!

Zach's tumor does look smaller then it did back in June. the doctor will not actually look and give us an opinion until mid-September. We had scans June 1 and we do not scan again til 15 weeks of treatment. then every 15 weeks after that. once treatment is done we have scans every 3 months for 1 year, every 6 months i think for 2 years, then every yr for 5 to 10 yrs. That mean Zach would be in his teens before we are considered "cured". that seems like forever right now.
Rhabdo's has has 50 to 70% cure rate for 1st time offenders....

It drops to 5% for repeat cases. now you can see why we treat for 42 weeks the 1st time. 5% that number terrifies me. I try not to think about it much. I dwell in the right now alot. I used to think about next fall and spring. now i dwell in today and tomorrow only. I dwell in here. and I dwell in Christ and His peace and understanding. I can not dwell anywhere else but Him.

My hope is built on nothing less then Jesus Christ and His Righteousness.

Jennifer

Friday, July 24, 2009

back pain

I still need prayer for this. I desperately need relief asap. I want to play with my kids. I need to go shopping. I have a wedding shower tomorrow. I just need to get on with life and my back is making that vary hard! Please pray for a fast healing!
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Big chemo

We have all 3 chemos tomorrow. I am leaving Wichita Falls around 4am. Please pray for traveling safeties.
Jennifer

Keep praying!

I am not sure how I am getting to Ft. Worth or if I am driving or if I can drive. My back is better but not enough that I think I can sit in a car for 2 plus hrs. PRAY!
Jennifer

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Prayer request

I hurt my back somehow yesterday. I have been in bed and really been no help to John sense it happened. He is leaving in a few hrs and now I have no idea how I will care for Aaron!

Please pray the pain lessens or goes away. I can hardly sit and walk right now. I can not pick up anything at all. I can not bend over. All these things I need to be able to do asap!
Thanks!
Jennifer

Friday, July 17, 2009

The prayer bracelets are here!

Please wear them daily to help remember to pray for Zach.
They say “Pray for Zach-Psalm 29:11
” which says: “The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.”
*The suggested donation is $1.00*
Below are the ways in which you can receive one of them:
1. Mail a self-addressed stamped envelope with the suggested donation inside too:
Mark Inman Insurance Agency, Attn: Zack Bracelet,
1401 Kemp, Wichita Falls TX, 76309
2. Stop by Mark Inman Insurance Agency at 1401 Kemp during normal business hours, Monday-Friday, 9:00am-noon;1:00-5:30pm. Beginning July 20th

*For questions e-mail zachjcartwright@gmail.com

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I miss my 2 boys.

I feel like a falure today. I had to up my dose of prozac. I feel like it means i am not trusting God enough to keep my happy. Is that wrong? Am I doubting God?

One of my devo's this week was on Job. Man I do understand him more now.

Job 1:20 Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground before God.

remember this was a real man, in the time of Genesis! he lost it all! Family, home, friends-Satan took it all. God let him knowing Job would still worship Him. He praised God in his Storm. I struggle with that right now. I struggle holding it together for 1 more day every day. I know job struggled. And God raised him up and carried him to the other side-eventually. but in the meantime-Job worshipped God.

I fall asleep crying out to God why?! Why my child? why this Storm? Why cancer? Heal Zach is my prayer. Make the yr go quicker, the day and months of radiation end soon. I pray for hope and peace. I pray for strength to make it thought the next day.

And then I worship my most high King. I lift my hands and sing the words I know and believe with all my heart-I praise you in this storm. I will rise, call on Jesus, Revelation Song.

Each reverberating in my soul and as i worship He fills my soul with what i need. Hope. Peace. Rest. I worship knowing he is worthy and I believe and know that as I focus on Him rather then my own pain, I will have a new perspective. maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

Keep praying for us. We are just human on a walk that seem longer then most.

here is Zach site again for those that need it as well: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/zachcartwright

blessings!
Jennifer

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Day 3-Radiation

Well Zach had radiation this morning and was done and in the car by 9am! man how I wish they were not so far away! oh well, no sense mourning what I can not have.

I am thankful for all who are praying for us! Please know this is a marathon we have started and we are on the 1/2 mile mark. we have a long way to go this year! We have no new scans and no way to truly know what is happening inside our small boys body until September!

We have big chemo again next week and I will have at least 2 days with John and Zach at cooks! I am super excite to see them down there! Hopefully John and Zach will come home Friday morning after radiation as well.

Keep praying for us!
Blessings,
Jennifer

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Our new life

I left Ft Worth on Sunday as John and Zach checked out of Cooks.

It has been hard to say the least. I do not like being a single mom. There is not enough time in the day to get it all done. I have yet to figure out how and when to do my shopping even! Part of that is my own fault. I am trying to stay busy at home so not to get sad, but left no time to get our of the house just for shopping! lol

John and Zach had to go to cooks Monday and Tuesday for more scans before they could start radiation. They are for sure starting it tomorrow though. Pray john can keep up with it all on his own and remember all the meds. I usually help with that alot and of course I can't right now.

I had a wonderful group of ladies that came to my home last night and had dinner and devotionals with me. I was a wonderful time of fellowship and prayer. It is a great way to lift my spirits. Especially sense we are missing Church most Sundays to be in Ft Worth.

Not much else to report, I am going with a fellow cancer mom to see "My Sisters Keeper" tonight. I need a good cry and I know the movie will provide that! and Yes I have read the book.

Thanks for all the support we are receiving and prayers. We feel them constantly.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A differant holiday then I expected.

My family make big plans every yr for the 4Th. If you have every been to our lake house during the 4Th of July weekend you know what I mean, but if not I will give you an idea. FIREWORKS! and lots of them. Before lake Kemp did their own show very yr like they do now there was also the Inman show! :) My dad, brother, and added later my husband and brother in law, and my uncle James always spent way to much money of things that go boom and spent hrs(like 4 sometimes) or more getting ready and shooting off lots of fireworks. My mom always made a ton of food. I made dirt with worms just for the boys(Thomas-luv ya!) and we had a merry old time. Everyone gets way to much sun and way to much lake water. It's just a great way to spend a lazy weekend at the lake.

This yr John and I are stuck in this stupid hospital room. I miss my family. I miss the fun. I am missing my "old" life alot today. I miss the little things like sleeping until noon.

I guess you could say today I am mourning the life we lost again.

enough with the pity party....."sigh" deep cleansing breath. Dry my tears.

What I love about my life now. Zachy's laugh. How funny he can be at 9pm when he should really be asleep but is wide awake and keeping me in stitches. Reconnecting with old friend and remembering why I loved them so in ages past. They keep me happy:) they help me laugh. they help lift me up in prayer. They bring my family hope.

I am learning to love my new life. I keep learning and holding on to the hope I have in Christ. I have hope we all may it through the next yr quickly and with many lessons learned and many new friends. We will have a great new life lesson and life experience that will give us many new doors.

Pray for strength as we are growing weary. Pray for John as he has a long 6 weeks ahead of him. He has had alot to learn. Pray for Zach. He needs strength and patience. His little 2yr old body is fighting many battles and his brain is still not understanding this is not a temporary hurt. He still has to learn this is the new normal. Pray for his strong sprite to be broken just enough to make treatment a little easier on mommy and daddy, but not to much as we love the fight in him.

Pray for me as I leave 2 of my boys here in ft worth and go home to a 1/2 empty house. Pray Aaron and I will learn to be OK just the 2 of us. Pray Aaron does not miss daddy and Zach to much and enjoys his momma time!

thank you!
Blessings,
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Emotions run deep and fast

Man what a day!

Zach site was red this morning so of course I think the worst and think it was infected. Call the Dr who say call the local Dr off we go to clinic. I know all during this if it is infected we head straight to cooks. do not pass go do not collect the $200.....Thankfully it was just skin irritation! so John and I got to have our date tonight!!

We had Gigi and paw-pee(John parents) stay and we saw transformers and had dinner! I laughed and laughed until I was literally crying on the way home. I think my emotions just can not be controlled right now. I want to try to be happy but want to be sad too....So hard to explain.

I am terrified of how Zach's little body is going to handle radiation and Chemo at the same time. plus I will be what seems like 10 million miles away trying to work. Granted I can go at any point he gets really sick but still. What mom wants to be 2 hrs away if her husband calls up and says get here quick?!

As you can tell as Sunday draws closer for the time for John, Zach, Aaron, and I to all be apart I am starting to fall apart! I am fine as long as John and I are together-but apart? Well lets just say in 9 yrs of being a couple it has happened only a few time and I call him hourly...I am betting I will be on speaker phone and web phone alot for the next 6 weeks!

God put us together this way for a reason. Now He has seen fit that we need to be apart for awhile. Please pray He gives us both the strength to get through this. Please pray I can work and actually do the job I need to do with my sick child and husband in Ft Worth. Pray for wisdom on handling both boys separately but keeping with our family core values. Pray extra hard I am able to wipe stinky bottoms of one 4yr old and potty training keeps going well with a momma that still puke at the smell of poop!! (YES I know I am hopeless!) Just keep praying us though folks!

We do need alot of help to get through the next 6 weeks. if you would like to give john a break during the day or night I know he would think it is great! please call me to set it up starting next week. I will mark it on a master calender. anyone is able but no kids allowed and no one exposed to chicken pox or any other illnesses. Food is also welcome! call us for that set up too! I need lots of visitors in wf as well to help me make it through the long lonely night!

My work number is 940-322-2800 (M-F) and you can leave a message if I am not there.

I will try to post more later this week.
Blessings,
Jennifer

Monday, June 29, 2009

The chosen mothers

The Chosen Mothers
by Erma bombeck
Most women become a mother by chance,
some by choice and a few by habit. Did you ever wonder
how mother’s of children with life
threatening illnesses are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and
deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels
to make notes in a giant ledger…….
‘Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew’
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia’
Rutledge, Carrie, twins, partron saint Gerard.’
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, ‘Give
her a child with cancer.’ The angel is curious. ‘Why this
one, God? She’s so happy.’
‘Exactly,’ smiles God, ‘Could I give a child with cancer
a mother who does not know laughter?
That would be cruel.’
‘But, does she have patience?’ asks the angel,
‘I don’t want her to have too much patience
or she will drown
in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment
wears off, she will handle it.’
‘I watched her today,’ said God.
‘She has that feeling of self-independence
that is so rare and necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I’m going to
give her has it’s own world.
She has to make it live in her world
and that’s not going to be easy.’
‘But Lord, I don’t think she believes in you,’
said the angel.’No matter, I can fix that.
This one is perfect.
She has just enough selfishness.’
The angel gasps, ‘Selfishness? Is that a virtue?’
God nods. ‘If she can’t separate herself from the child
occasionally, she’ll never survive.
Yes, here is the woman
I will bless with a child less
than perfect.
She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see….ignorance, cruelty, prejudice….
and allow her to rise above them.’
‘And what about her patron saint’ asks the angel,
his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles and says…’A mirror will suffice.’

Being home

We are all home right now. For 5 glorious days and 4 wonderful nights, we are home! Everyone sleeps better in their own bed. Zach eats and drinks a tad better at home. Aaron makes me laugh out loud...alot!:) We love being home.

But I miss the security of the hospital room. I miss the isolation and clean feeling of cooks. I miss the nurses checking on him every so often. I miss my new friends. Not enough that I want to go back today, but enough that I am glad when we go back on Friday.

We pediatric cancer families are a rare breed. We have a love/hate relationship with our oncology team. I am finding a whole world out there I knew nothing about 30 days ago. I am finding a strength in myself and John I did not know we had 30 days ago. I even found out how blessed I can be by God in the hard times that I did not know 30 days ago.

If you ask me today would I change the last 30 day? No-this is the journey for us to handle. Would I wish for what cancer has taught us? heck yeah! I am a growing fool right now. Do I wish I could take away my child's pain? Always-but I also know he will be a better person because of this as well.

I wonder were the next 30 days will take us?
Blessings!
Jennifer

Friday, June 26, 2009

Angels watchen over me!

Sitting in Zach room here on 3 south at cooks and listen to our wonderful Praise Baby music(thanks aunt Katie!) praising my great God! Met a wonderful mom of a Downs kid on the floor that found out on 6/18 he has leukemia as well! And she to was praising God and feeling blessed to be here on 3 south!

God has such a mighty work planned for our lives. Sometimes it take a large earthquake such as cancer to wake us up to see it. Maybe He will only send you a small quake, maybe it will only be a whisper by His small still voice. But all that matters is we listen!

God take each emotion and each feeling we have in this time to bring us closer to Him. He has taken my heart and filled it with His joy and peace and lest me know he is lifting a carrying this burden for us and with us! He is a big big God! No problem is to big or small.

So give it to him folks! do not fight each battle alone! Share your burden with other, lift up your prayer to Him and He will lighten your load! Take each step, each day by Faith!

Blessing from us to you!
Jennifer, John, Aaron, & Zach

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Hope devo for today!

I know everyone loves these so i had to share today's! We read it together as a family before we came to cooks today. It was titled "A Father gives good gifts" and was on page 20 in our 1 yr book of Hope!

You parents- If your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them stone instead? or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? of course not! If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him? Matthew 7: 9-11

Recently there was a prayer service for someone I know who is fighting a vicious cancer. How I would love to see God work a miracle and rid her body of the disease that is slowly robbing her of life! I love her family and her, and because I know firsthand how awful and painful it is to watch someone you love die, I do not want them to have to endure it.

Surely we can ask God for what we want. We can freely tell Him what we want is for those we love to be healed. We want a job. We want our marriages to be restored. We know he's our heavenly Father and desires to give good gifts to those who ask him. The problem is we are so limited in our understanding , we do not always know what is good!

I want to give my son, Matt, good things. But that is not always what he ask for. He wants chocolate coco pebbles, and I give him shredded wheat. I know, better then he what he needs. He wants new basketball shoes and I want him to learn to be content with what he has. I have his long term best interest in mind. I try to shape his body and his mind and his character, so I do not always give him what he ask for.

And I recognize that as much as I might want God to give me what I ask for , I trust that my heavenly Father knows what is best. Sometimes his "good gifts"do not appear that way to my limited perspective. He gives me broccoli when I ask for ice cream. Sometimes he uses frustrating circumstances, unwarranted criticism, or disappointing delays to develop in me the good gifts of patience and humility. He calls me to trust Him, to know that he is my wise and loving Father, and my ultimate good is His heart's greatest desire.

Would you be willing to stop pounding on Heaven's door, to stop begging for God to give you want you believe is best, and to open your hands to receive the good gifts your heavenly Father wants to give to you?

Heavenly Father, I know you are committed to making me holy, more than just happy or healthy. Open my eyes to my greatest need-more of you! Open my heart and hands to receive the good gifts you want to give me.

ok people can you see how we used that in our lives right now! John and I were blown away by that today!
I actually copied the page in whole today! continue to pray for healing! We know are God if powerful but he also know he has a perfect plan for us and Zach!

Blessings!
Jennifer & John

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Cancer can be BORING!

or repetitive....take your pick. I swear today was nothing but more scans for our scans we did before and more chemo. Zach even found it boring and slept 1/2 the morning away. OK not really he just had really great drugs! but you get my point! It was very routine and we stood around and waited alot. We were at cooks from 7:30 am to 3pm to be seen for a total of maybe 2 hrs!

On a different note-Zach is losing his hair! :( We all knew it was coming but still....So be prepared people! I too cried when I 1st saw it. make it more real.

Met a new rhabo mom and child today. Her baby is still a baby! He was born in 2/09 and found out in 3/09 he had cancer! can you imagine?! broke my heart.

anyway..need to go to bed. Surgery tomorrow at 1pm!
Blessings
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Next round

we have another cat-scan in 2 day and chemo as well. plus we have surgery Thursday afternoon to get a g-button(feeding tube but in the stomach) so it will be a long couple of days at cooks for us.

We have decided John and Zach will live with my sister in Flower Mound for the next 7 weeks and I will be there whenever I can. John and Zach will also try to come home on weekend. it is a 30 to 40 minute drive without heavy traffic(IE 10am or 10pm) so we are hoping for the best! but we feel it is the most comfortable for John and Zach. So pray all parties (including sweet Julie and Joe!) make it through the summer!!

We are now the proud owners of a laptop as well! this way John has a computer and so will I to post when we are stuck at cook for long hrs at a time!

Thank for all the prayers!! We love to here about it!!
Blessings!
Jennifer

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Our Father in Heaven

I am reading a great book right now. The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie. God provide even the reading material during this time!

Anyway today lesson/devo was very practical and timely for me(actually they are most days right now!) Matthew 6:8-10 Your Father know exactly what you need before you even ask Him! Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may Your name be honored. May Your kingdom come soon. May Your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven.

He know exactly what I or Zach need before we ask, but he asks me to pray anyway! He even shows me how to pray! so why pray? why ask if he already knows the answer?

Because by placing myself in God's family and under his authority, welcoming His work and His ways, always giving yourself to serve Him completely-these are not just meaningless phrases or preambles to our list of request. When we pray the way Jesus prescribes, they are on the top of our list! Getting God's priorities into proper perspective changes out own! ( I am coping pg 18 here)

man how deep it that!! it's not my priorities it's God! not my will but His. I know what my will wants. I want my son to be cured, to be healed. But what is God's Priority? Maybe it's for me to just ministry to other in this storm. to minister to my friends and family. to my husband and older child. Only God knows the outcome right now of this journey! But do not forget He does control it all!! He know what the good and perfect outcome of this will be. It may not be my perfect outcome. But it will be his!

So Pray how you will folks, But as for me and my house, We serve the one true God most high and We pray his will be done....
Blessings!
Jennifer

Home but not home

Well we only had Zach in his own bed at home for 1 night before we landed back in the er in Wichita Falls for fevers. Thursday morning we had taken it and it was low and Thursday night when we got home from my mother it was up again. So we held off on his loratab which has Tylenol in it to see how high his temp would climb. It hit 101.5 pretty quick.

We called the on-call oncologist knowing he would send us to the local er-he did, knowing we would be admitted to United regional(local hospital) and we were.

I was up all night last night getting Zach in a room and then just not really being able to sleep after 3am. so needless to say I slept all day!

So here I am up again late at night blogging away as Zach sleeps in his room here on peds.

Do I still fill blessed to be a mom of a child with cancer? YES! I am a walking testimony for my Savior and His grace and peace. I love people faces when I save my life is easy and very peace filled right now! I can not wait to see where God takes us for the next year!

I love that we are home and in the hospital because we are getting alot more rest just being in our bed and not the hospital room. We can relax at home and see family more. Life as a cancer mom if good:)

Blessings!!
Jennifer

Thursday, June 18, 2009

New title

I changed the blog name. I thought about how much this will consume our lives the next year and decided it fit better. Little did I know last year when I started this how much I would want to journal daily right now! I love typing out my thoughts when I can.

Two things I get asked most often right now:
1-how are you, john, or in general everyone? We are as fine as can be expected. We no longer plan even days in advance. we plan hr to hr. We live in the moment. We live that moment for all it is worth and we pray. ALOT!

2-What do you need? prayer!! but if you feel you have to do something We will still always need our house cleaned, our yard mowed, groceries bought. The daily chores we think we will always have time for there is never time for now. I never thought about how much time it actually takes to plan for every day life things. So if you have a specialty ( re laundry, cooking, whatever) you love to do just let me know and tell me what and when you can do it. I honestly can not tell you when it will need to be done right now. my brain no longer works:) I don't plan anymore.

So knowJohn is at home and all he does is take care of himself and Zach. I take care and Aaron and I. Wounderful friends did a great job on our house before we came home! My dad is mowing my lawn today:) We continued to be blessed! God called us to this journey and we are riding it our with Him guiding us faithfully!
Blessings!
Jennfier

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

They are Home!!

John and Zach got home from ft worth about 8pm today! It seriously took all day to leave that place! everyone under 5 is already asleep in their own bed! about 1/3 of the stuff we took and came home with is put up already!

Friday we have an appt. with our local ped. for a blood count draw. Pray it is good and Zach might get to go to church with us for a little while on Sunday! Might be the last time for awhile so I want good numbers! No Whammies!

John and I have to take Zach back next Thursday for chemo and this G-Tube placement in his stomach(G-button actualy). That will be another 2 day minium stay, but hopefully we get a whole week at home for the next week! PRAISE THE LORD!

I am a blessed mom to have everyone home and to be here on this journey!
Keep praying!
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I want them home

I miss my family. I want us all home together, for at least the next few weeks. I miss actually sleeping in the same bed as my husband. I want to lay around all day Saturday and do nothing together. I miss what was, but I also want what might be.

Please pray them home with me. Aaron and I are only 1/2 of the whole. We need our other 1/2 here with us.

That is all I can say...
I just need them here.
Jennfier

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Thankfulness part 2

I got long winded last night. I also wanted everyone to know what transpired in April and May to get us here as well.


I had been working with our Sunday school class on the faith mission dinner we do every Saturday. I was asked to apply for the Jr. league. John and I were planning a cruise in September to Alaska. We were even starting to plan our summer activities. Life was going as we planned. We are also building up alot of debt and frustration.


I had the incident in April with the mission that lead me not to apply for Jr league. When we booked the cruise we did it through Norwegian directly making it changeable at any point up until June 30. Nothing we as a family had planned was not able to be cancelled easily!


In May we also went to a wise woman and got on a strict budget to pay down our debt and set aside a good amount per month for medical bills! God knew we would not need money to be a stress in just one month!


God new even 12 months ago what we would need. He knew we would have 6 weeks of radiation in July and August. He knew we would not even be home for 3 weeks in June!

Even in this storm God is always faithful. We are so thankful for how God has protected us!


Jennifer

Friday, June 12, 2009

Thankfulness

I am so grateful to God for prepare me for this my whole life. Most people do not know i have done this before. No not a child with cancer, but cancer none the less.

My grandmother had lung cancer when I was 18 and I helped care for and lived with her her last yr. I mainly just slept there and kept her comfortable. but-The stress was so thick. I learned to cope then too. I drank. I drank alot.

I was barley 18, not living at home, and would be in charge all week and the "good girl" finishing high school, and then the weekend would come. I drank. not the normal girly 18 stuff. I went straight to 6 packs and hard liquor. I had no boundaries. I thought I was just having fun.
.
Then one day someone asked if I was ok. not even if i was happy. Was I ok? No I could honestly say I was not Ok. So I got help. I mourned the life I lost those 3 yrs. I mourned not growing up slowly. I mourned my grandmother.

I Healed.

I learned how to cope correctly. I learned to Praise my God in the Storms. I learned to be ok by myself. I learned to love myself. I learned I was ok by myself. Just me and God. I learned to honor my parent as an adult but how to set boundaries in my job and my life. I learned how to cope correctly. I learned how to be me, but better.

I found my soulmate, I marries him, we had 2 beautiful boys, and God showed me again and again to only do so much for Him. have boundaries.

I said no to alot of things the last 6 months. I listen to God speak and time and time again he was clear. do these 2 things, no more. Faith mission and Choir. I did not plan. I did not guess what the future held. I just felt as if we were waiting.

Now I know why. He knew what the future held. He knew we were in for a fight. He knew I would and my husband would devote 24hrs a day 7 days a week to this fight for the next year!

He even provided means of support I fought against with every breath at 21! He provided it down to each need. Each request if met before we can send it out!

PRAISE GOD! MY ANCHOR HOLD ME IN THIS STORM!
jennifer

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Anti-climatic

The nurse was right. It has been very anti-climatic getting chemo. They even give him drug to keep him from getting sick! so we have not even had a lick of puke!

I worried alot last night thought and wondered how he was. I slept on the RMH(Ronald Mcdonald House) and it was storming alot so every time I work up I worried about Zach. John said he slept but was moaning and whiney. That is prety par for right now. His tummy is HUGE!! Hopefully the chemo will work on that ASAP!

I am really ready to get home. I miss my bed and Aaron. I also miss sleeping with John...I miss his snoring! :)

I am ready to get on with life with cancer. I am ready to fight this thing and kill it! I am ready for my little boy to be better and to say I am ready to have life after cancer.

For now-I pray for healing, peace, and rest. I pray for a new normal to come quickly. for routine to show up when we least expect it. for life to go on.
Jennfier

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Chemo

We start chemo today. actually in the next like 15 min. the nurse said it will be very anti-climatic. we keep being told kids handle it so well. We are at cooks for at least the next 48hrs. or until his blood work start back up instead of down.

I wish I could do this fight for him. I wish it was me. but-I do not wish this on another mom , dad, or child.

I vpray for stregth for him & our family. God has been at work our whole lives preparing us for this. Especially the last few months. He is an great big God and has great big plans for our family.

We are on our knees to not only pray but worship Him for His awe and Glory.

Jennifer

Cancer

Rhabdomyosarcoma. even the name strikes fear. When Dr.Sultemeier walked in the room last week i knew. I knew the minute i saw his face it was cancer. and now it has a name. Rhabdomyosarcoma.

This thing that has been growing in my child for the Lord only knows how long. The thing that may or may not kill him. This thing that will take at least 42 weeks of chemo and 4 weeks of radiation to fight. Lord it scares me. It terrifies me!

We found out today it is group III Stage 3 intermediate risk group. All that to say he gets standard protocol. and what does that mean? Standard? that he had a 50 to 60% survival rate if he make it to 5 years in remission. If it reoccurs.....

Well lets just say i am not sure I would put him through it again if it come back.

God has given me such a peace all this last week getting to this point. And i know God will give me a new peace in the morning. tonight I need and want to morn the loss of the life i thought we might have as a family. The idea of what might have been for the next 12 months.

I look to Him how gives me strength to get though the next minute, the next hour, and the next day, until we make it to next year. until we are cured.

Jennifer, John, Aaron, and Zach

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Pray for Zach

We fould out today he has a 15cm mass in his belly. we know not much more then that. we will know more in the next 72 hr. i will post when i can. we hope to have a lap top tomarrow. it also may be family posting for us. just pray for wisdon and grace. pray for all of us. no parent or grandparnet want to go thourgh this. yes it might be cancer but we do not know. please to not call us. we can not handle it right now! post here and we will update here.
thank you!
jennifer, john, aaron and zach

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My Awsome God!

this happened last night at walmart on lawrence-
So i call up my friend and tell her i am ready to go by our 70lbs of ham for faith mission on saturday. it's like 9pm and i am really just ready to crash but it was on sale and we needed to save that $50 for other things so off i went! she was still eating dinner but told me to call her before i got to check out and she would run in and give me the $297 we raised to buy the food and put the rest on a gift card for later use.
so off i go with nothing but my list, a $20 gift card and i think my check book. (remember the think part!!) i go through the store buying the most food for our money. refiguring items and cost per ounce as i go and buying large quanties of ham, mac and velvetta, and brown and serve roll! buy for $120 if fun (not!) !lol this cart was heeeavvvy! 28 lb of cheese! 70 lbs of ham! anyway-
i call my freind and tell her i am almost to checkout. she say she will be there in a few. i pick the longest line to make sure i have plenty of time for her to get there. i get up to start putting my groceries on the belt. still don't see her...but i have my checkbook (i think)so i figure i will go ahead and stay and just put the cash in tomarrow.
the nice cashier and i carry on small talk. she ask what all the food is for and i explain again it is for the mission. we go every month and this was our saturday so we were exciteed the ham was on sale! saved us $50. she was happy for me. $220 she says. i give her the gift card i have for $20 and look for my checkbook-it's not there!! shoot! i must have left it in the car i think! shoot shoot shooti am beet red for embarisment...i start look ing for my friend..were is she???!!!
the lady starts looking for her manager we start brain storming what we can do...then the gentleman behind me speaks up!
let me say this is were my mircle start!! had i been apying more attention is started a few minutes before when he slipped in line behind me and was listening to the cashier and i talk. he mentioned then he had worked at or for the mission i just did not pay attention. kinda like we do to God sometimes...He pops up again. Can he help? he really knows the mission people well. Can he pay for my food? again beat red i say no no she will be right here. Please! let me pay? I really want to help the mission and you this way! I worked there for 30 yrs and have not done anything for them in so long. LET ME PAY. ok. i say. but let me pay you back. did you work there before the smith's? do you know John? i ask.I am the smith's he say-I am pete smith! My jaw and spirt just soar-I know this man and had no idea. He is pete smith. he started the Faith mission from nothing. she and his wife gave their all to it for 30 yrs! God has put His humble servant behind me to provide when i had not even thought to ask!
Pete and i hug and i say thanks. he is only in town today til saturday moving and packing his belongings to more to Kansas. he promises to come eat with us on Saturday and bring his friends. my friend shows up and tries to pay him but he insist. so we still have more then enought money for next month!
she and i walk out to put up the grociers and just cry in joy on how God provided. We prise our Creator for being so Awsome and anwser many prayers that night.
I go to my car and think my checkbook will be there. it's not! shoot shoot shoot! i had taken it in! I run back in walmart praying it had been turned in. it had. God provided again!
God knew my plan. He had his own. He knew i did not need my checkbook so i dropped it. he knew my friend did not need to be there, she she hit every red light in town. He knew i would not ask so He just provided anyway. He fixed it so i knew it was Him! My God is an Awsome God.Jennifer